Tuesday, September 20, 2016

One Year Wider.

This October I turn thirty, as a self reflective person I have been on a quest to end my twenties well. Assessing the things I want to carry over to my thirties and what to leave behind.What is the very mindset I want to declare over my life shaping this next decade? In your thirties you are no longer desperately trying to figure out you are, instead you are settling into the rhythm of who you are. It seems the best way to approach a year older is to look to those who are younger in my life, these past weeks my kiddos have revealed to me some truths I want to claim. 

One of my kiddos had a dentist appointment this morning, our first experience at the dentist resulted in a cavity being filled (insert neural pathway dentist equals pain). I watched my child today climb up into the chair all smiles, but when it came down to business mouth clamped shut and fear set in. Three adults pleaded, pep talked, and threatened this child to just open up, she was loudly wasting everyone’s time. All we were asking for was a wide mouth, after 15 minutes of convincing and 5 seconds of compliance we had the much needed x-ray. Whew. I realized how often I find myself doing that exact same thing, choosing fear over experience. It doesn’t matter how many people are cheering me on, how rational the thinking is or even how brave I am feeling, I stop myself, shutting my mouth tight. I don’t want to waste time anymore with the pep talks, I just want to look beyond my present fear and open wide. In my thirties, I am going to choose to be brave.

One of my kiddos has this incredible dream of being on America’s Got Talent, they want to win it by singing. They talk about it, dream about it and visualize what that victory would be like. They have a vision grabbing hold of what they want to do in this life and they are boldly proclaiming it. They are dreaming big, they aren’t focused on the journey, struggle, statistics, challenges, or technicalities to overcome, they see the dream. Something happens to us adults, over life we quit dreaming, pursuing and stop going after the things we want, instead we convince ourselves we are too old, too busy and suddenly all we see are the challenges. I want to find my dreams again, I want to grab hold of the vision merely glancing at the warnings. In my thirties, I want to dream big again.

Skateboarding has become a passion in our home, with a little formal training here and there my crew has become quite good at it. This past weekend we were doing some boarding with friends and one my kiddos was trying to get a trick figured out. Each time the board would go flying, the tears would come and the self doubt was declared for all to hear. At times I would just watch to see what would happen, other times I would insert myself and soften the blow with a pep talk. I watched over the course of an hour, they tried and failed, the same cycle playing out, until the moment they got on the board and found success. At any point the board could of been put away and the lesson never learned, I reflected how often I do that in my own life. So eager to get to the finish line only to quit right before I reach it, forever missing out. This revealed to me two things, to get back out there and to surround myself with people who believe in me. In my thirties, I want to press into the hard stuff and surround myself with people who encourage me to do that.

I am so inspired by my crew, everyday they are teaching me things. They help turn my eyes from the to do list to the moon, they remind me to laugh loudly and dance crazy. This year I am not turning one year older, but one year wider. In this next decade may my focus not remain small, my view not narrow and my heart not closed but that I would embrace the beauty around me. I have a brilliant purpose to fulfill, I was created for such a time as this, and my dreams still matter. If I can cling to this mindset in my thirties, I can’t even imagine the ripple effect for the decades to come. I want to greet thirty with a smile on my face and a "just you wait kind" attitude. 

1 comment:

  1. Your family is a bright, shining light, Jules! Cheers to one year wider (for all of us!)