These past years I have defeated many of my fears, looking them in the face and pressing on. The growth inside of me when I press in to those fears is great, it changes the very core of who I am. The moment you catch wind of silencing fears it becomes addictive. I have discovered one of the best ways to conquer the fears that burdened my heart is to declare it. Just the act of speaking it out loud takes the power away. My crew came in contact with many “monsters” before living with me. Those monsters haunt our sleeps far too often, the practice we have in our home is to talk about them. We reality check the situation, covering the basis that they are safe, monsters are not real, and that the best way to get rid of the monsters is to tell them to go away.
Learning to speak to my fears has been pivotal. When those fears begin to rise up in my soul, I silence them. Telling them they are not welcome, telling them where to go, using my voice to silence them. You see the reality is we have the power, our fears have to do what we tell them to. Will they try to take control? You bet but empower yourself friends, it is us who have the final say.
We all fear some of the same things, no one likes the dark, creepy noises or the strangers in our space. Some of our fears are a mystery others come with a vivid memory. Raising kiddos with a trauma background involves a lot of guessing. In our home we see a fear response to something and the work begins to find the source. I made a list this past week of what I am afraid of, I realized that fear motivates me more than I thought.
I combat my fears best by speaking them and dropping truth bombs. What is a truth bomb? Words that speak truth instead of lies, I use a combination of bible verses, inspiring quotes and affirmations from loved ones. For the sake of vulnerability here are a few of my fears.
I fear that I am not enough.
Truth bomb: I love how I became a mama, at times I struggle with the calling to be a single mom. I am afraid that my babies are missing out on the one thing they deserve most, a dad who loves them. I have combated this lie declaring that my babies are not shorthanded without a dad. I am learning to feel confident in the fact that they have a mama who loves them something fierce. I realized that they need is a mama, who is proud of who she is, strong, brave, pursues her dreams and finds beauty in herself and the world around. A mom who admits her flaws, silences the lies and clings to grace. One who teaches them about Jesus, families, healing and teaches them about living and loving well.
I have battled against for a long time, it was a lie that rooted in my soul as a child and still rears its ugly head now and then. For many years I did a really good job protecting that lie, with some practice I can spot it a mile away and shut it down quickly.
I fear that I am so self sufficient that I would never really be able to let people in or let people love me well.
Truth bomb: I don’t have to be self sufficient, I don’t have to have it all figured out. Letting others help me doesn’t mean I am incapable. Letting others love me doesn’t mean I am weak. What it means is I am blessed to have people who see me, know me and pour into me.
Recently I discovered how self sufficient and guarded I actually am. Self sufficiency is a strength as a single mom, the healthy aspect of that is what allows me to live this calling on my life. The toxic side is doing it on my own has become an area of pride that I have to keep in check. I am on a quest to let those walls down. I think I have gotten conditioned to loving others well that I forget to let myself be loved, to just be.
I fear inefficiency.
Truth bomb: Each adventure has its own road to be walked, its own journey to be had. Slow down, breathe it in, soak it up, the finish line is there and you will find it. Part of the beauty of adventure is experiencing in the journey.
There is such a thing as to efficient, when my brain is spiraling on what to get down next, I don’t notice the little faces in front of me. I miss the cues and pleas for attention, I miss the subtle things for the to dos. Sit, just sit, slow down and soak it in.
The fears will always be there, as we grow and change so do the fears. Different seasons bring about different fears, kid free years my fears were focused on being alone, now my fears surround failing and not being enough. Fighting fears is a daily practice, you are rewiring your brains sometimes you are rewriting years of data that has shaped you into the person you are. Our emotions, personality and choices stem from the place deep within our souls where our experiences have shaped the very things we believe about ourselves. We can either allow our fears to stop, limit and affect who we are or we can stop, limit and change our fears. What are the things you are holding on to? What are the deep rooted fears that are at the core of who you are? What things have you held on to far to long?
Side note: on this quest to conquer fear, I have quite the editing process for my blogs because I don’t want them to have mistakes. That fear has become has become a bit of bondage for me, this post is my first ever type and post. One day, one fear, one choice at a time. Let’s be brave.