Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Pouring In

Navigating the gift of a newborn, realizing the fact that beyond providing basic needs my only role is pouring in. Each kiss, answered cry, bottle and diaper change is creating neural pathways in his little brain. For the first in my parenting experience I am setting those neural pathways not trying to rewire them.

I am not having to rewind, facilitate healing or process trauma, this time I just get to pour in. That reality is a gift, born as a clean slate babies are ready to absorb the world around them. The quest of life for babies is quite the journey, growing for 9 months, the struggle of birth followed by a series of bright lights, sounds and cold air.

Most little ones at some point in all this chaos they are held, celebrated. Yet, some of these little ones come into this world fighting addictions to substances their bodies consumed for 9 months. Others will find no warm embrace nor is there a celebration awaiting them. For them the world seems like a cold reality, compared to the womb, as they grow and change so do the pathways of their brains.

I did not have to teach this little one to cry, to nuzzle, or to sink into my body as I hold him. He has no reason not to trust, when he cries he is heard. His eyes are bright and clear as they absorb the world around him. I did not have to uncover the light within, it was just there. Instincts kicks in and I follow his lead, he lets me know what he needs and when. Before my eyes the most beautiful little soul is growing and changing, soaking in the world around him.

Raising children with a trauma background is a gift in its own way. The things you celebrate are different, maybe it is a child who learns to sleep at night, learns that if you go outside for a moment you will be back, or a baby who has found their voice. There is a lot more focus on the past in hopes we can help the healing process, spending a lot of time on coping with what was.

I am soaking in the wins of all my children, reminding myself that holding a head up is just as beautiful as tying shoes. Celebrating the fact that each of those things are forever wiring their little brains, the things we learn now is the foundation for the future. Some of our foundations were a bit unstable but I am seeing that brick by brick we are doing it.

This little soul has brought such joy to our home, we are soaking him in. We have no idea of our future together so we just pour in. Embracing the fact that our home is his start.

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