Every day should be cherished. In a blink months zoom by, I am begging for time to slow down. This last year taught me to cherish every moment for time slips by so quickly. Our household has changed so much over this last year. We have been on a quest to love well and intentionally whether our stay 7 days or 7 months. Our 24 hours given each day are used up scrolling news feeds, hitting next on the episode buttons and so distracted we hardly notice the world around us. The promise of each day awakens with such purpose, potential and power awaiting us to take hold of it all.
Fear is never a good enough reason not to. We are taught at a young age to avoid things that hurt, it keeps our behavior in check, keeps us alive and causes us to pause, we are conditioned to avoid pain. The other night I sat with our sweet little bundle on my lap and suddenly I was completely overwhelmed by fear. I have fallen head over heels in love with this tiny human the realities of foster care make that fact bittersweet. My heart remembers the goodbyes, those wounds still fresh in my heart. At times I am terrified of this calling, it hurts. The fear is real and the pain cuts deep the moments that are painful have turned out to be some of the more beautiful seasons.
Healing is a long and hard road. There is no check list, plan or schedule. You just have to be in it, you have to deal with each emotion, thought and realization as they come. You have to process each and every day. You have to protect your heart, your time and your emotions from the world around them, confronting them with truth. Some days you take 2 steps forward and 8 steps back. Just when you think you can check a behavior off of the list, it ss back and it brought friends! When you think we are fine and healed, the scar tissue aches. It is a process that unlocks a sweetness, unlike any other thing.
Life is made up of a series of course corrections and choices. Each one leads me down a different path, it is on that path that faith is found and character built. I can make the plans but they fall through, learning to adjust as we go sharpens our skills. The key is to have a vision of where I want to be and go along protecting that vision.
This past year, I loved well, had my heart broken, saw redemption and questioned circumstances. I had the honor of celebrating our Little One’s first birthday and waking with her each day for seven months, collecting her first words and steps. We celebrated becoming a forever family I watched them step into new identities and claim new heritages. I showed half my crew the beauty of the ocean, enjoying quality time as we ventured across the nation. I started sharing our story with the world and have gathered so many beautiful stories in exchange. I celebrated and embraced 30. Hiked through the mountains of Oregon in the fall. Watched as my crew loved on a sweet ginger baby boy for one week, enjoying the honor of him waking up to the world around him. I experienced the joy of bringing a baby home from the hospital and soaking in the beauty of a newborn.
2016 had my highest highs and lowest lows. My heart has never loved more intentionally and deeply as it did this last year causing it to break deeply. This last year showed me just what I am being called to and how my story is giving me credibility. As 2017 begins to unfold I feel a holy anticipation for the things to come aware that this is my year to thrive.