A couple weeks ago I got a call for a toddler girl. Mostly she seemed like a good fit for our family. For some reasons so many questions flooded my mind, at times I find myself thinking, “Jules, you are crazy.” Can I handle five, what if her behaviors change our entire ecosystem that lately we have perfected or what if her temper tantrums are too much and my other kiddos suffer? I was faced with not when do I say yes but when do I say no?
My questions were answered during our family meeting, when one of my crew members gave a simple, “sounds like she needs us.” That was it, they were right. We had the room, I don’t feel tapped out as a mom and we are more stable in our home than we have been in awhile. We said yes, she didn’t end up coming to our home after all, she was placed with someone she already had a bond with. We said yes, we made room and that prepared us for who is coming.
Moments of this journey have “been knock the wind out of me” hard, given some time and room to process I see the fruit of laboring hard during those seasons. Though I have not and will not experience the actual pains of labor and delivery I have experienced them emotionally. The struggle, turmoil and pain of it all birthing from within something beautiful.
The day I got the call for this sweet little girl and processed through my decision I was reminded again, how faithful God has been in this all. A beautiful soul acquaintance of mine ran into my family as we shopped. It was one of those lazy no real list or agenda kind of shopping trips. When it was time my beautiful acquaintance she stepped in and covered the cost. She became a very tangible experience that reminds me I am seen.
Arriving home after our store run I find a vase of beautiful flowers on my front porch. Attached is a card that reminds me that I am loved. No name, just beautiful words and an experience reminding me that I am loved. This story of ours is peppered with beautiful glimpses of His faithfulness.
This weekend, another reminder just how faithful God has been through it all. Not only is He working alongside of me on this journey but He is also going before me while redeeming what is behind me. We got to see Little One again, for those of you who have followed our story you know how this is a celebratory occasion. Here is a little about that story here. No longer is she the baby girl I buckled in the car that day kissing her goodbye, that hard day feels like an eternity ago.
When she left time stopped, Sunday was the brutal reality that time did not even slow down. Her once rolly baby thighs have been stretched into slim toddler legs, she is running, talking and her hair is long enough for a pony tail. Her peg tooth smile stayed the same and still makes my heart skip a beat.
Isaiah 61 has become one of my favorite passages, I have been mulling over it for the last several months. It reminds me of the faithfulness of God, the many seasons we endure and the hope that restoration is coming. It reminds me that in the midst of the brokenness and ashes is beauty. That the story being written and unfolded is still coming. That we are strong as oaks and that the seeds planted are never wasted. No matter the season, no matter how hopeless or how hard it seems. He is faithful and He is rebuilding and repairing for the coming generations.
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.
They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.