My feet have carried me up mountains, 13.1 miles, and into the ocean, into new opportunities and out of hard goodbyes. They have carried babies out of courtrooms and hospitals, toddlers to vehicles which such heaviness and uncertainty. They have danced, bounced and chased my Crew.
I watched the video of Little One’s first steps, awkward and stiff she discovered the freedom of walking. The perspective those steps provided, brought sheer joy to her face. Sometimes we just need to stand up and see there is more to it all. The all consuming problem doesn’t seem as hard once my perspective changes and I can see a bit further down the road.
These days I find myself walking into a relationship with birth mom, having no idea where it will lead. I have a lot of assumptions of where I am going but am the reality is there is no map. In order to find out what is on this journey I must put one foot in front of the other and just keep going, I must press in.
We don’t get always get to see what is coming on the road ahead, that reality is scary. How do we keep from running? Does the mystery of the unknown keep us going? Or is it the promise of the view of at the end or at the top. The several times I have found myself on the side of a mountain it was the view that kept me going but at mile 8 it was the finish line.
We have the opportunity to take Little One again this weekend, I pick her up this afternoon. We get to spend the weekend laughing and soaking her in. For a few days our hearts will be full. We will experience another level of healing. We will cherish days spent with her, slightly grieving the 9 months we lost.
Addiction is a scary and unknown travel partner. It often gets us off track and distracts from where we are going. At any moment this reality could suddenly change the course we are on and that isn’t found in any map. Does that stop us from taking the steps? Do I allow this to stop me in my tracks knowing how great the view will be.
I don’t get to know what is coming. I get to consider the risk for a moment, then I choose to lace up my shoes and get moving. The journey ahead is a long one and I have no doubt will be filled with some tough spots but I am confident that the beauty along the way will keep me going.