Monday, August 28, 2017

In Her Eyes

Tonight I got the update on what our first few days of school have been like from the perspective of a six year old.

I learned in first grade they don’t give you snacks anymore. Which seems to be a crime because they all are so hungry.

I learned that they can earn tickets for making good choices during the day. She has so many tickets like 35, 20...I mean 13 (she takes after her Mama #exaggeration).

Farting in class still makes her friend’s laugh.

At recess they play a game where someone hides and everyone else looks for them. “It is the best game.

I am afraid my middles are getting lost in the midst of our daily chaos. Tonight my Little Beauty followed me room to room as I changed diapers, made bottles and packed bags. Reading me a book as she went, she just wanted my attention for a moment. In a flurry of activity one of my kiddos was returned from a visit, a baby was crying and the clock read bedtime, I sent her to bed. With tears in her eyes she obeyed, but “Mama, I just wanted to read you my story.”

I do my best to carve out time for each of my kiddos every day but some days it is a miracle that we get our physical needs met let alone emotional needs. Some weeks baths, folded laundry and well balanced meals are mirages, things hoped for but often non existent.

I got everyone else in bed and squared away, found the book she was trying read to me and climbed into her bed. A smile spread across her face and she began to read all about what the Brown Bear sees. I just watched her come alive, she told me all about the things she is excited about.

I soaked her in, just enjoying who she is. With her two front teeth missing, she talks bigger these day, I wonder where my meek little girl went. Laughing as she came alive, talking about the boy in her class and how much she loves butter.

She asked me tonight just how long forever was. Wondering if it was more days than she had been alive, probably.

She told me how she loves to snuggle with me and that one time I snuggled with her sister and not her and she was so sad.

She doesn’t want to share me, except with Baby Boy. He needs me.

She knows that I love her forever and she will never lose my love.

In the name of us getting stuff done we have a lot of routine and structure around here. I tend to put a lot of focus on our routine, I think because it helps me feel like I am not drowning. At times I over do it, I stick to the routine at all costs. These past few years as a Mama is teaching me how precious time is. They are not always going to want to snuggle with me and conversations won’t always come so easily.

These are the moments that are short and sweet and I want to savor them. A friend of mine who is a single parent really challenged me in my keeping structure at all costs mindset. I have watched him put the experience of his kids ahead of the structure. While I think it needs both to balance these days I am wanting to do less and be more.

I am inspired by this Beauty, her eyes sparkle as she charms the world around her. May she never lose her wonder. She inspires me to be more. 

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