Thursday, September 14, 2017

Family Album: Being Mama

I still am getting used to being "Mama." My heart still flutters at the title. I love being a mom, it has been the hardest, most life changing thing I have ever experienced. At times I look at my self and hardly recognize who this woman is.

I have a few more gray hairs and wrinkles, I start most day extracting myself from bed and from under the arms and legs of whoever found their way into my bed. I am late and distracted most of the time. I have hair held together by dry shampoo (cocoa powder and cornstarch) and layers of makeup I just add to in the morning. I have boogers on my shirts and sticky little hands to hold. I have traded most of my hobbies and habits for convenience and practicality.

And I wouldn't change it for the world. Being a mom has changed my entire perspective of life, love, problems, the world and priorities. This post is filled with several pictures that I love, they show sides of me that have been refined by motherhood. Moments in my life that are weighty. These moments that of refinement that go far beyond what happens in the lens (these moments captured by my dear friend Melissa).

This picture was taken one month after she came back to us.
Little did we know that we would have about 7 months before we would
have to let her go again. This picture is a perfect reflection of my heart,
I was holding on, praying "it is well..."  

This was our first family photo taken Spring 2015.
I had been mom just a 9 months. Days before this picture
was taken I celebrated my first Mother's Day, we also said goodbye
to Little One for the first time. I love this picture, it had
been a hard few days. For a moment this picture
captured us just laughing and smiling. 

This Little Beauty struggled with appropriate attachments.
Their year of foster homes before me left her unable to form
healthy attachments. This picture was taken in the midst of a 9 month
battle for her to bond. We worked hard at it, we got there but it was a
long, hard journey. I love this picture of us. 

This is adoption day. The day we made our family forever.
He was crazy running around saying hi to all of our friends.
He zoomed by me and paused a moment diving into my arms.
It was one of those moments where the weight of it all faded away.
He just soaked me up and I him, with a squeeze and
a kiss we walked into the courtroom. 

This was the moment we made it final,
the whack of the gavel and they were forever mine.
Little One was so fussy the entire time,
she wanted to only be held by me. I wonder
if she sensed what was about to happen?
It would be one of our last days together. 

I love my face in this picture, we emerged the courthouse
a forever family. The weight of fear and uncertainty was gone.
We walked out that day with the freedom of forever.
A burden we didn't realize we carried so long. 

Our adoption ceremony, we threw a huge party
with hundreds of our friends and family!
This is one of my favorite moments,
in this shot I am reading to him the vows to forever
be his Mama. Declaring over him
his new identity. 

This picture is us doing our unity exercise. Charly had
designed this in a therapy session. She took all of our
hands tracing each one inside of mine. Across
the top she wrote "family" We had been a family
for many years but knowing nothing could
take that away, changed everything. 

We had a long hard summer and this picture
 was a sweet moment of connection. Her and I
had been butting heads a lot and were struggling
to get on the same page so that sweet moment of
connection was one I was so thankful for.

I love this one. This sweet baby boy has been our healing balm.

I love this moment. When I said goodbye to here nearly 11 months
before this picture was taken. I assumed that was it. Now
this Little One is in our home every weekend.
As a Mama my lap is always full.

This is a moment that was candid and real.
We all are doing our own thing, in a big pile.
May these moments keep my eyes on what matters.
Each picture reminds me of hard, long,
seasons praying my heart out for these babies.
Being their Mama, is the greatest gift. 


  1. Love your dedication! It's not easy to learn to be a mom and you have done it! Even with the extra level of hurt in our little ones' abandoned have done it! Love you and your family ❤️

  2. I appreciate your hard work and your positive attitude in raising your children as a single parent. Family bonding is very important for a positive and healthy family relationship.