We have dealt with surgery, healing, flu, teething, lots of nightmares (processing), adjustment back to school and this mama is feeling worn. Early on my parenting journey I learned of the analogy of a full cup, each part of my life pokes another hole in my cup, draining it a bit faster. To be honest these last few weeks it was as if the entire bottom of my cup was cut off. It seemed I can't keep it full, or even close.
I am weary.
The past few days I have found my extroverted self wilting as I have been house bound two days with a sick little baby. I have delighted in extra one on one time snuggling this gift of life but I have spent these last few days just aching. I have spent a lot of time unsure what I need these past couple of days, but I am aching. This past year I picked the word "THRIVE" for my mantra this year and I have to be honest, this year has thus far felt like a simple survive.
We have had a huge transitional year. I am struggling with feeling like I am thriving. I am tired of survival mode and want to get off this crazy ride but I just can't seem to find the exit. Since 2017 started, I started in a new position, I bought a house and moved us, made our house our home, joined a new church community, took on three more kiddos, bought a new vehicle and processed a lot of grief, pain, lies and insecurities, mine and theirs.
It's now September and the year is nearly gone. I have decided to shift my perspective and look through this next season with a different lens. I am processing what thriving really looks like. Thriving doesn't mean I have it all accomplished or figured out it looks more like getting up every day, pressing in. Each interaction, has the potential to plant a seed of hope for tomorrow.
Thriving is investing in the next generation. Thriving is opening my home to this community. Thriving is teaching my kids how to love well. Thriving is admitting when I can't do it all. Thriving is getting up every day, changing diapers, packing lunches and doing power poses in the car on the way to school. Thriving is doing our grocery shopping with more kids than food in the cart. Thriving is bed time snuggles, lots of kisses and loading our bus like a boss. Thriving, I am learning is not really something to be achieved or checked off but really a mindset.
Its in the small moments of our days, do we eat the cookie or the apple? Do I practice gentleness with my kiddos or am I harsh? Do I open our doors to another? Do I press into the hard conversations? It shows up at dinner time. Loading the bus and at bedtime. Our hearts are all a bit more healed. The smiles a bit bigger. The burdens a bit lighter these days.
So if I really reflect on these past nine months, I am seeing that I (we) have in fact thrived. It just showed up differently than I thought. I was looking so hard for it that I nearly missed it.