Tuesday, October 10, 2017

House "Rules"

Our home philosophy, “come as you are” is posted over the doorway of our entryway. I often get the opportunity to collect people’s stories, hearing hearts as we talk about the heavy places in our hearts. In our home we give a lot of space for processing, it seems someone is always needing that grace.

I am often asked, “how are the kids?” We are well, we are thriving, healing and falling in love a bit more each day. We spend our days, surrounded by hugs and kisses, loud dinners and hurried transitions. Our life is messy, grace filled and we must allow us all to come as you are. If you are mad, hurt, scared, sad, joyful, peaceful, insecure you are welcome, this Mama, needs that grace and space.

Early in my 20’s I learned the beautiful art of vulnerability, what a gift that was. The practice of vulnerability radically changed my world view. I have learned that when I show up with nothing to prove, humble hearted, as I am it is met with abandoned heart sharing.

This past week two of my kiddos engaged their insecurities and decided another was a target for that brokenness. I gathered information and the facts and called my two kiddos to the table where I explained how their actions were unkind and wrong. In a moment, I spoke and the tears started flowing, in front of them I grieved how unkind they had been to their sibling.

No physical harm came on my third child but it was emotional and it was unkind. I explained to them that our home is a safe place and that day they made it unsafe. There was grace, forgiveness, and good discussion and we all learned a lesson that day. I realized in that moment of emotion just how passionate I am about our space.

I want my Crew of Kindness Warriors to learn to see the world through a lens that is kind, compassionate, gracious and loving. I pray that I would lead them by example, that I would show them that love is the most powerful thing in the world, that pride is the enemy.

Reminding us that everyone has a story that has changed them. My kiddos have had some rough stuff happen to them all and sometimes that makes them behave in some unattractive ways. This past week one of my kiddos was processing and it was messy. Earlier in the week that same kiddo had shared a moment of trauma they remembered and suddenly in that moment I had more insight into the mess before me, I heard their story. I have felt the stares and glares as sometimes our processing sessions are public, where the collateral damage is great. Our home is safe but the world isn’t always.

Our home is the fortress we come to regroup, we have meals where someone is under the table weeping, bedtimes that blow up into a screaming circus act, cruel words and actions towards pets and others. We check out, disassociate and shut down when our memories triggered echo nightmares. We don’t always know what to say or how to explain how we feel.

Come as you are.

We have a few house “rules” that help us keep this place safe.

Come as You Are
You are welcome, you may enter the space with how you feel but you may not be cruel or hurtful to those around you. You don’t have to laugh, smile or talk but you do have to keep our space safe and your limbs to yourself.

Lead with Grace
There are a lot of hurting people walking around out there, stories unshared and hearts aching. Assume good in people, when they are mean think to yourself what their story may be.

See People
Each person is an individual, we shouldn’t lump, group, pair or place people in categories where we think they fit. Our unique story as a family is teaching us that good things come in unexpected ways and places.

Be Kind
Such a simple but easily forgotten practice. One act of kindness can radically change someone’s day. I love taking my crew out in public cause my babies love the world well, smiling, talking with the sales clerk and them cute babies make just about anyone smile. We are a force and we don’t go unnoticed when we enter that space. We strive to leave it better than we found it. We don’t say hurtful things to each other or ourselves, if we do we have to speak 3 kind words over ourselves/others who were the subject of hurtful arrows, we take the weight of words very seriously.

Be Brave
We are feelers, we talk about them at the dinner table, bedtime snuggles and in the car. We talk about the world around us and the choices we all can make. We talk about our dreams and who we want to be. Beginning each day with power poses and goals. We press in, we shoot for, we dream big!

Our table has a space for you, the chair is open and the spot is set for you. There is no need to clean up, shut up or smile up, just come. We will sit together and process, unpack the suitcase of experiences you brought.

1 comment:

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