For us that day was May 12th, 2016---Adoption Day!
We fought for two years, visits, therapy, and court hearings each bringing the waves of emotions tossing me to and fro. Days where I felt I was crashing against the shores, hopeless, scared and tired. About six months into the process of foster care I learned the practice of not paying attention to those waves. I took the reigns of life back as I stabilized in this new life, I began to focus my energy on today. All I knew each day waking up was that we had today, our motto became live well today, one day at a time we survived those two years.
Early 2016 the court order finally read termination, the season of foster care was over for my crew of three. We embraced the waves of emotion that reality brought. We had our goodbye visit, the final time they potentially would see their birth mom. At that point she hadn't filled the role of "mom" for over three years, the finality of this ruling was heavy. We walked to the car, quiet, they all held it together, keeping it all in until the safety of our car gave them the space to process. The tears started and the years of uncertainty took shape as they all began to process the bitter side of adoption.
Jody Landers beautifully sums up the journey with this quote, “A child born to another woman calls me mommy, the magnitude of that tragedy and depth of that privilege are not lost on me.” What a beautiful and broken privilege it is to be their parent.
We stood before the judge and a room full of our loved ones declaring forever to be a family. The security of permanency, allowed us to be able to work through deeper levels of hurt. Once we settled into our new names and the fact that we were forever a family new waves of behaviors started to show. People asked me on adoption day if it felt different, at first I said it didn’t. I loved them whole heartedly from day one. We were no doubt a family those two years, as I reflected I realized that I did in fact feel different. There was a freedom in my soul, I no longer had to fear getting “the call” that they were leaving.
I adore our story, I love that we got to grow into a family, one day at a time. I love that my crew was so patient with me as I grew into a mom. I love that I got to know them, watch them heal and blossom. I love that together we picked their new names, breaking the bondage of their past and giving them a vision for their future.