Sunday, July 29, 2018

I love you.

He snuggled up to me, and just said it. The words made my whole body jolt, I looked up at him, "what did you say?" He repeated it, "I love you." Just like that my heart was taken captive, tossed to and fro on the waves of love. For 462 days I have whispered, hugged and shouted these very words over him. For those 462 days his response was a simple, "okay."

A response that made me laugh inside, he doesn't do what he doesn't wanna do. Over the years my heart has learned to handle the unintentional punches thrown by hurting kids. This family is built on love, one day at a time we are growing into a family. Our love comes softly and over time, its a sneaky kind of love that shows up in the strangest places. In our home, you don't say words you aren't ready to say, there is no shame. I wait patiently and if it never comes, I will still whisper it over you.

I believe love has the power to heal the deepest wounds, the ability to pierce the darkest places. I have seen that miracle, time and time again. Love is a force unlike any other, I suppose that is why the world fights so hard for it. Love is messy, complicated, painful and beautiful. It shows up, committing day after day even when it is tired and worn out. Love keeps us moving towards health and healing.

Those three words are proof that we have healed and grown. Our two painful goodbyes over this last year, have made our 'hellos' so much sweeter. We have cried together, laughed together and just grown together. His blue eyes, are the wild ocean I sail upon as we navigate the uncharted and unknowns.

Our time together has no timeline set and our future is unclear but this last year and a half, we have known love and been forever changed by it. I am often asked how I can let them go, don't I get attached? People comment on how strong I must be. The heart can do amazing things when you fight to keep it open. I have felt the sucker punch of sorrow, to know love and to lose love is the great paradox of this life.

To love them is worth the risk of it all, their journey of loss is much harder than mine and so I will chose to love them be it a moment, a day or a lifetime. I choose them. #thisisfostercare

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