Saturday, June 22, 2019

Pieces

“Time goes by so quickly!”

Early on in the parenting journey I was told this as a warning, by those further down the path of life. They were right, the years have been a literal blink. This past month I celebrated five years of motherhood. Who I was before parenthood is a blurry and distant memory. Time, is a sweet, precious and never stopping gift.


During my five years of parenting, I have had the honor of mothering 13 little ones. Some for a matter of days and others, as you know, for forever. 2018 brought our forever family count up by two more, we welcomed Henry in May and Olive in November. Any given day our family count is anywhere from 5-7 kids, it just depends on the day of the week and who is visiting.


I have had the honor of being in contact with many of my former little ones, some of them have reunited with birth families while others have found new forever homes through adoption. At times our home fills a bit like a revolving door, most of the time they come back. My crew of five embraces every person who walks through the door no matter their age, their story or for how long they will stay. They teach me how to love.


If I have learned one thing these past five years, it is that love is costly. Each little one that enters my home gets a piece of my heart. I welcome them, placing it gently in their sticky little hands and send them on their way. Love, is a renewable resource, it’s one of the amazing things about it. As much of my heart as I have handed out, there always seems to be enough and some.


More love. More room. More joy. That is what this world needs.


My story of fostering is slowing down, we have room for one more (based on our state’s regulations). We are waiting. As I think about the expansion of our family, I am filled with a mixture of excitement and fear. Excitement for who this little person is and fear for the potential aches and the pain that goes along with parenting, foster care and all the unknowns. I found myself wanting to shy away a bit, slower to move, slower to say yes.


These past five years have not been without grief, ache and pain. Some moments if given the choice I would probably choose to do without. I have said goodbye far more often than I would like. Lost more than I could handle. Yet, even in the midst of those hard moments, the one thing that kept me going was love, for every goodbye, a hello. For every dark night, a dawn. It’s always been there, waiting to surprise me.


My Joyful Broken Heart truly sums it up. My heart is much heavier today than it was five years ago. The ache is real and even with the finality of forever and adoption it does not go away. Moments forever rippling out, leading me to beauty.


Cheers to five years of motherhood, may my next five have fewer diapers.